if only...

Given a choice, I would turn into a blank notebook,

and then you cud turn me into watever you want.

a sketch book to let u explore ur imaginations...

a diary to scribble ur daily routine...

a graph book to help u plot ur rises in life n career..

a math book to help u add pleasures and subtract sadness...

a scrap book to store fond memories of ur near n dear ones...

a makeshift fan to give u cool breeze anytime everytime...

a bunch of burning papers to give u warmth in a cold winter night...

or, just a piece of paper to let u vent your frustrations.

but alas, i cant be such thing cos i m a human...

who wud help u make ur dreams, a reality...

wud be thr with u till eternity..

wud support u in every facet of ur life n career...

wud take away all ur sorrows and give all the pleasures i cud...

wud be ur best frnd and give u the best times of ur lyf...

wud be thr with u wenvr wherevr u want me to..

wont let u suffer the numbness of this world alone...

wud be thr fr u as a fav. punching bag..

cos i am a human and yes, an emotional one!!!

the 'paneer' syndrome..

Living a ‘hostler’ life is the best a student can get in his lifetime. Everything is so relaxed, full of randomness, without any orders, do-whatever-you-can types, the way we all like. But the only pain in the ‘arse’ during this honeymoon period is the time when your tifffin-wala without any pre-notice do not get your low quality, low hygiene food and you feel so helpless as if you have been deprived of something very precious . So, after a giving a round of “heavenly” curses, we all thought of checking out a new restaurant, Suraj. It was located at the basement of the hotel, so we jumped the steps and in hurry, Minku almost missed the glass door and banged on it. It almost cracked, oh not the door but probably some part of Minku’s brain but he religiously hid from us acting as if nothing happened.

The ambience of the restaurant was soothing and looked like a perfect place for candle light dinner. The later thought was originated by Rinku, the only stud of the group as rest all were dudes. We were already feeling the hunger thunder but a restaurant would take its own course on supplying the necessary food delicacies that would pacify your aggravating trouble. Sunny as usual the first do go when it comes to giving ORDERS called one of the persons standing at the counter. That person first ignored him but on continuous yell by Sunny, he came across and at his highest pitch which almost made us deaf told that he was not the restaurant staff but a customer. Buoy!!! That was gross.  We ordered the Special Suraj thali for each of us because of the unlimited amount of food you can have at a nominal price of INR 45. There was still some time before we have our food items cruised onto our table, so we started our usual leg pulling. Raju was the chosen one as he was constantly messaging some girl.

Raju, dude I also want to meet her, she is so pretty, shouted Sunny.

Dude, I think I’m in love with her. Rinku shyly spoke but his pitch was very high and almost every other person in the restaurant heard him.

Guys chuck it, let’s discuss something else. Last night, it was an awesome match and Nehra, dude, single handed demolished English batsmen.

Abe oye!  cricket k alawa bhi kuch dikhta hai kya, Raju spoke while typing something stupid for sure on his Nokia 1100.

Yeah, I can see your stupidity all around me. I came up with an instant shot and everybody started giggling so loud that we became the centre of attraction. And then the most awaited moment came, the food was right in front of us. Aroma as if straight from the heavenly kitchens and then there was no stopping. Paneer Butter masala was the best among the lot and was supposedly the speciality of that restaurant.  It came on and on and there was piling up of the dishes in front of all of us. 6-7 for each and it kept on increasing. It was as if the beast had come to party. Manager, Waiters and the customers were staring us and I am sure it was with disgust only. But we were enjoying feeding our ever hungry stomachs.

That’s 12^th one gone down the drain, one more please. Rinku beamed as if it was one of the proud moments for him.  Anyone game? By this time, we four had finished our dinner and were looking at him with full anxiety.

What is he upto today? Saala kitne dino se bhukha hai...I started the convo

Yes buddy, you can do it, atleast 15 should be the target. Minku was quick to add his stupidity

Oh shit!! Was there any competition? Nobody told me? I had a pao-bhaji plate with Babu before landing up here. Oh! Else I would have easily eaten 20 dishes of paneer. Sunny spoke in a depressing tone

While we three were discussing about the no. of dishes Rinku should have for today’s dinner, Raju had started texting someone again. Hey guys! Catch ya later. Got to go. Have some urgent work and there he ran.

Dude! I think he is checking out a chic of his branch. Why doesn’t our branch have some nice girl? Rinku spoke while finishing his 13^th dish.

Coz, they can’t handle guys who eat 13 dishes of butter paneer at one time. I remarked sheepishly.

Oh is that!! Bhaiya bas aur nahi chahiye. And there we finished our sumptuous dinner at Suraj

 At night, I felt a bit uneasy, maybe it was due to over-eating. I went to terrace and decided to walk for some time, the cool breeze made me felt a bit better.  It was around 11.45pm, through my room window, at a distance, I saw, a few low intensity bulbs shining right across and some ghostly figures out there on a terrace right across my room. I was terrified as I had heard that there was some accident near that area and the according to people living there, there were some haunted souls. The sight was so dangerous and then I saw these people lifting some-one and beating him up. Oh that might be someone who had been caught by these evil souls.I was highly perturbed by that act of inhumanely figures. After some time, they stopped throwing the body of that poor person and they started dancing. This was too much for me and at one go, I switched on all the lights of my room, threw water on Raju and Rinku to wake them up.

Kya hai be?? Raju groaned.

Shhh..see something is going on that terrace.

Wait let me switch off the lights.

And when I switched them off, there was nothing. What? Where are they? Have they evaporated or what?

I swear buddy, I saw ghosts out their dancing and throwing a body in air.

Shut up and sleep!

For the complete night, I tossed on my bed from one side to another with the thought of those deadly creatures dancing right in front of me. It was giving me real goosebumps and the acidity which was making me feel uncomfortable was taken over by these more radical and burning thoughts.  Next morning, I told everyone but no one believed. But I am pretty sure there was something happening that night but to be very frank, I am still clueless about it ;)

the ph(r)ase

On one of the chilliest winter night, while returning to his flat, Rajat got a call from his old school friend, Sunny who told him about his engagement with his girl friend.  He thanked Rajat because of whom the couple met some 3years ago. The two old friends talked for about an hour or so. It was quite late, next day being a Saturday, Rajat thought of watching some movie. He took out some old DVDs of animated movies, but somehow picked one of his all time favorite romantic movie, PS I Love You. He went to the kitchen to get some snacks and then played the disc. While the DVD player took time to load the disc, he stared at the cover of the disc. The title made him nostalgic as the phrase had a lot in particular with his life.

He dived into the memory lane which took him into his engineering times. It was his last year as a teenager and like all others; he wanted to get the most out of it. It’s not as if that was supposed to be the end of his fun times but then he would enter his twenties, meaning to be a lil more sane. But saneness came pretty soon to him and in form of something which he din’t think of in his wild imaginations. As a young lad, he never believed in so called love and always thought of it as something that would never cross his way. But then there was something that was destined for him and it came in the form of a girl who lived across his home. There was something in her which caught his attention. For the initial period, he thought that it was an infatuation. Later, he became so much engrossed with her that his life changed dramatically. He now started relating to typical bollywood romantic numbers, liked solitude, talked randomly for hours with ‘her’, talked non-sense most of the times, etc. The infatuation became more and more intense and it gripped him so much that now he started observing her daily routine; the time she wakes up in the morning and come outside her house, the time she worships the tulsi plant, the time she leaves for her college, when she comes back and the list continued.

He was dying to talk to her but there was no way out. Then one fine day, he mustered courage and called at her home. Luckily, she was the one who picked up. He blurted out everything on the first go and made his intentions very clear of befriending her.

Though at start she was reluctant but on constant pursuance, she decided that it would be only talks, may be on phone or chat and nothing else. For him, it was more than enough as he could atleast talk to someone he liked the most. While the frequency of talks increased with time, she became a good friend; atleast he believed that. Memories were afresh once again. He remembered how he used to call her and they used to talk at length. Discussing good and the bad times, laughing, mocking others around them but then it was never the same. The movie once again reminded him of the patience, the love, the dedication; the two souls in love had. Even after one of them died, the other kept on waiting and kept the love alive in Memories. He too had the same feeling for that girl to the fact that he didn’t think for anyone else for so many years though she never asked so and it was all one sided affair. And he always vied for saying this phrase to her and he did multiple times but she was unmoved. She was more of a practical girl who din’t believe in all this; he on the other hand, believed that one day she would.

It was almost 6 months he had last talked with her and that too when she wished him on his b’day. He searched her number on phone but then there was something which bothered him from inside. He stopped himself from dialing the number though it was right on his mobile screen. It was also very late and he had no reason to call her at this time. Their present relationship had many constraints and from starting it was based on some rules and regulations which were set by her. He decided to call her in the morning and with a light smile; went to sleep.

Almost a fortnight passed since that night and he almost forgot to call her. But then the day came when he finally decided to call her. He dialed the number but it didn’t connect. It seemed that she has changed the number but she dint ever bother to tell him. He had been talking on phone with her since last so many years, there were occasional fights over certain things and then for couple of months, no talks. But he used to break the ice by calling her again and rhyming his words with Sorry, and even that made him felt good. He went to terrace and with a sudden breeze, a sense of realization occurred to him that this is the longest time they had not talked since the day he approached her for the first time; almost 7 months. Owing to his very busy schedule, he didn’t get time to call. But she could have called him or atleast could have sent a simple message to say Hi!! Why can’t she break the ice for once?  It slowly occurred to him that off-late she used to call him only when she required something or the other done. He loved her once so he dint give much heed to these thoughts but still he had his concerns over her inconsistent behavior. Rajat was still on a dilemma whether he should call her or rather wait for some more time to check whether she is concerned for him or not. He was not sure about the duration of this wait but this time he was ready to take his chances.

a salty but sweet love story.....

..He met her on a marriage function. She was so outstanding that he was very normal in front of her. After so much of hesitation, he said Hi to her and she too replied. Next day he came to know that she is cousin of his one odd relative. He somehow managed her landline number and then finally called her. He tried making her recall about the marriage meeting but she din't. It took a lot of effort from his side to ask her out for a coffee. But to his surprise she said Yes in one go.

It was almost an hour and he was waiting for her. He was getting impatient and then he saw her coming...she was as beautiful as a picture. He became so much conscious that for the few moments he dint say anything to her and then randomly some shit. The girl became slightly uncomfortable. He was not able to manage the situation as he was a very shy kind of person and never faced such a situation before. Noticing her discomfort, he ordered for salt and then he put two teaspoon of salt into his coffee. She was shocked. Salt n Coffee..what a combination? Do u like this?

Yeah...!!! and there's a reason behind this. I used to live near a sea shore when I was a kid, I used to play with my friends on the shore, could feel the music of the waves, taste of sea water just like this salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee,I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".

While saying that tears rolled down his cheeks. She was deeply touched as she was in front of someone who really cared about his family, loves home. This was an ice-breaker. She was no more in discomfort and she also narrated about her past, her town, her parents, her friends. The first meeting was a nice one. They continued dating.The girl slowly started liking him as he was a kind hearted, careful n jovial person. Every time they meet, he used to have the coffee and then 2 spoons of salt in it.

One final day they got married. Then the story was just like every beautiful love story,the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said:

"My dearest, please forgive me for the only lie I told you for the whole life. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time that I ordered for salt instead of sugar and found very hard to change it. I never thought that could be the start of our communication. I tried telling you truth but every time dint muster the courage. But now I'm dying, I am afraid of nothing. I will tell you the truth:I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life, since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life.If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her:what's the taste of salty coffee?

It's sweet. She replied.

Murphy and the diamond...

I knw writing is not my cup of tea but still time and again I start writing sm or the other thing…may b junk or absurd…but kabhi kabhi likhan da keeda kaat jaata hai…and then things just fall here n there.

Well today..I m gonna write about a boy who lived in one of the less known village, Renaki….His name was Murphy. Murphy was 15yrs. old and studied in a school, about 15 kms from his home. In the course of his journey to school, there happened to be a small lake with a small patch of land right in the middle of it. Every day while returning, he used to sit near the banks and watch across the lake on to the island. There was something peculiar about that. It had a shining piece of a diamond to which he always aspired. But he never mustered the courage to cross the stream. His friends used to mock him about the desire of owning such a precious thing citing that many of the people have tried it and no one succeeded. But he was adamant that one day he would definitely reach the island and would hold the diamond. Though he could have used the boat to reach the land instead he wanted to swim across the stream on his own.

One fine day, he decided to swim across and see the diamond in close proximity. And then there he was ...astonishingly watching the sparkling stone on the top of a hill. He tried climbing up the hill but he was exhausted due to swimming. He made a firm resolution that he would definitely climb the hill someday. For this he daily used to swim across and gazed at the diamond endlessly from the distance. In a matter of couple of months, he had the stamina and now after crossing the stream, he was full with energy and enthusiasm. He then climbed atop the hill but what seemed to be just a hill turned into another strenuous way to reach his most desired thing. For the first time, he was feeling low in confidence. Then suddenly a strong wind blew the diamond and it just lied in a matter of couple of jumps. Murphy was shocked coz he never anticipated this in his wildest dreams. Was it something real?? As it was getting late, he returned home with a promise that next day he would be holding the world’s most beautiful thing..!!
Next day he returned but to his surprise, nothing was there. He ran helter-skelter but no clue. He returned back. Every day he used to look for it but all his efforts were in vain. It continued for many days and gradually he forgot about it but suddenly one day while going to school, he saw something shining at a distance. No, it can’t be. The diamond was back this time with more shine.. more elegance. He ran, swam, jumped and finally reached the place. But again a gush of wind took away the diamond from him. He again moved in its direction and again wind blew it away from him. It was as if the diamond or the wind wants to play with him. He was also enjoying but soon it became irritating and painful to him. He could no longer sustain the pain and one final day gave up. Slowly with time, the diamond lost its importance to him.

Murphy is a grown up adult now and is moving out of village. But he could never forget his triumph for diamond as for the first time in his life he had given a full hearted attempt to get something. He could have done a lot many things had he not attempted to get it. But still he has some feeling of achievement may be in terms of crossing the stream, climbing up the hill...!!!

“Hey Murphy, how is this diamond studded ring in my finger, isn’t it beautiful? Asked Jon, his new room mate.
“Ohh!! How can I judge, I never owned something of this type.” replied Murphy

don' want to want...

I wanted to write

And they cut my thumb..

I wanted a glass of water

And my home got flooded..

I wanted some sunshine

And they wrecked my hut..

I wanted to dance

And they made me deaf..

I wanted to live

And they put me in morgue..

I wanted freedom

And they nailed my thoughts..

Now, I don’t want anything

And they are forcing me to die..!!!!

SIPping the LYF...

....wrote this wen the Internship Process in XL was going...though not a great writer bt tried to put down the emotions ....thru which ppl went....
A disclaimer: These are my personal observations and is not meant to hurt anyone......

So started the Summers.......
Bt was it really for Bummers.
With an enthu for SIP of life...
walking on the edge of knife.
some passed d days sleep'g..
while a few cribbing......
sm were dre thru thick and thin....
& a few went wid an up chin..
Few dint have the puff of luck
With majority saying WTF...
Yet there was a bonding.....
Amidst the comps haunting........
wid me in the process still...
listening to the words 'just chill'....
From dusk to dawn..it went on an on..
SIP 2010..has finally gone....

A knock from the memory lanes....

Memories are afresh, 7 years back, same day, I along with my friends were on stage, dancing on the tunes of Ismail darbar,lyrics of Nusrat Badr and undoubtedly the melodious and soothing voices of Udit Narayanan, Vinod Rathod, Shreya Ghosal. Oh!! what a night. Yes! it was my freshers night, one of my all time best.

It was at around 2am in the morning when the party ended but we thought of staying at the venue for some more time and as always it just passed. It was 5 when we made a move. Winters had already started and it was dark but by the time we reached to our room.suraj k pehli....nahi I think do hazzar chey sau paintaliswi kiran had struck the surface.
In Bikaner, life kick starts in the early hours of morning so already few of the families have started their daily chorus. As me and Raju entered the lane of our PG, we saw two old ladies staring at us as if we were from a different planet. Actually they were right, after the party our condition was nowhere comparable to an ordinary human and as we moved a house or two further, another senior citizen had some nice thoughts on and for us.

Well things didn’t end here. As I opened the main gate of our PG, he was standing right there and OMG she too, gone big time. But how they and when but why.....?? A few One word questions were there and I was Googling them...lolzzz…Well here He and she are my landlord and landlady, RESPECTIVELY.

“So u guys enjoying too much of freedom”, She Said.
“Na Aunty....ham to bas…”, as always Raju was first to give justifications but this time nobody cared to listen..
“Shut up!!!..Is this the time to come? Where were you last night? Don’t you have any manners? Do you do the same stuff in Jaipur?” He shouted. Well there were few more which I don’t remember and don’t want to either but why only Jaipur..why not Mathura, gurrrr…..
“What were you guys upto that the people complained and called us here….”
“No Uncle. nothing as such. We just had dance practice here for the freshers party and nothing else and we were in the party only…last nig…”.
“Whatever. I don’t want to listen any complaints from now onwards else u can leave the flat”. He interrupted

We nodded and climbed the stairs. By the time many people have come to watch a free of cost show at 4E467.
As I was climbing, I saw the girl next door. Ohh!!! I mean the same girl (remember, last time I introduced her. NO! better u read blogs from start:) )nodding her head.
I thought she was trying to sympathize, so sweet of her. I mean atleast I have someone who think I am right. I have someone who will be my side all time. I have someone whom I can trust upon. I have someone…who…who.....Bang!!!!
“Abe...where the hell are u watching.”, Raju shouted.

I sat there on the step to regain my lost senses and stood up with a 1.5 cm diameter swelling on my forehead. The starting was bad and had no clue of what’s more in store for the rest of the day and only soother was SHE(the girl and not the landlady) and her concerns. :)

nite-out.....

Today, was the first nite out here in XL but obvious not for studies. Though I did prepare an OB related doc but not something great.

Yesterday, half of the day went sleeping, rest went in surfing, movie, .epic theatre, SOP for Dracula committee and BC, BC bole to baat-chit. Next week,two big events;mid-term quizzes for BFA and Eco. It reminds me of the fame XL song “Sabka Katega....” to be very sure, the makers of this song had real fore-sightedness.

Coming back to quizzes; Yes! they have more or less become an event, never scored marks with such an economical perspective. Max. so far is 55%, don’t know what is happening but something needs to be changed drastically otherwise..... :( Today and tomorrow would be deciding day regarding the status of preparation for the quizzes.Presently facing with a big dilemma whether I should sleep or not because it’s already 5.30 am. Its very tough sometimes to decide on sleeping part which is one of the cheapest commodity one can ever get. But one good thing is that I am slowly adjusting to the environment as in staying awake late at nights and waking up late on weekends.

..deadline...11:59:59.......

...deadline...hah; I never had a chance to meet it in my life, this time the case was of submitting marketing prj before 12 midnight yesterday or to be more specific maximum by 11:59:59pm.

As always we were way behind of schedule or euphemistically, schedule was running way ahead of us, there were some serious apprehensions whether we will be able to meet deadline or not, though I dint have any doubts because of my experience.:)
and then there was an announcement of GBM to be followed by selection of CRs. We decided not to go for GBM but to go and cast our vote for CR selection as voting karna bahut jaruri hai, issay hame ek acha CR milega, jo apni jimmedariyan imandaari se poori karega.....jo naitikta k saath apna kartavya nibhaega.
Anyways we went for voting at around 10.45pm and thought of returning JJHS(jitna jaldi ho sake. But the selection program was a long procedure so got a laptop for finishing the work on time and then things started. On one side, it was CR candidate speaking with active DCP by a few and on other side, Marketing prj. Bomber was still scribing something. By this time, a few batchmates got to knew about the status of our assignment and then it was like.15 mins left....10 mins.....5 mins...bomber still typing. 1 min to go and I totally went crazy.
Countdown started....50 sec......30 sec....10 sec....and then attachment button went missing. Oh mistake, was nowhere in sight..oh then somehow found it and then the digital wall clock behind us showed 12 midnight. Dude we missed deadline again.
it was at 12:00:12. ”Send” button was clicked. ohh thank god! atleast we sent...oh no!!!! The mail is still in outbox, this is going way too messy but to our relief, it took a few more seconds to move from “Outbox” to “Sent” folder.
After returning to room,I checked my mailbox and boy guess what!!! the mail arrived in my mailbox at 11:59pm. So...so, we were in time, sounds more like filmy but it’s true.....!!!!
The deadline bug struck us again but this time somehow we managed; keeping fingers, legs, hands crossed for next time......!!!!